The school bell about to ring
So close to home yet out of reach
Intrusive thoughts start ringing
‘You need to succeed’
‘Your work is worthless’
‘You need to be remembered’
‘Home is an option’
‘There is always an escape’
‘An easy way out’
The school bell rings
Thoughts leave marks
A Self Portrait
So….I finished a lot of scripts. In fact I finished my narrative film script, a script for a music video that my producer wanted me to write and I have some people interested in some scripts. Everything is fine so far. I hoping for ‘Scorned Charlotte Rose’ gets picked up.
It’s Valentines Day. 11:02 PM. In college dorm. Little buzzed. And not really clear minded.
But I feel compelled to write this. For some reason this.
I never could comprehend…people. Life. Love. Anything really. I mean I try to be understanding and try to evolve as I grow up. We are at a stage in human existence that we can evolve much faster rate then we ever could. Mentally we have accomplish this but we still evolving at a set pace. There is nothing we can do because it is a fix point in nature in our design.
However, I now have an idea of life, love, people, etc. I think I owe it to a night…one night that I chose to go out. Yet I only assume this because in all honestly I can not fully recall but this moment is probably the most real, the most human thing I ever witnessed.
About…a year ago, I decided to go out. My roommates weren’t home and I was alone. I been stuck in the dorm room for a week. I had to get out. I was losing my fucking mind. The walls in the room were white, so the color doesn’t help because it feels like a fucking insane asylum.
So I went out. I decided to go out, get a beer, sit and just empty my mind. So thats what I did. I went out. It was cold, wet. Yet I didn’t care cause I was out.
I reach downtown. A short walk. Maybe 10 min walk. Nice moment to just let all thoughts and worries go. I reach the bars and they were busy for a Wednesday, Thursday night. So I didn’t have to deal with crowds. Nice really.
I find a bar that is tucked in and out of sight. Perfect. Just a place to relax and drink for a short while. I go in and sit down. I’m maybe one of four people in the bar plus the owner and the two bartenders. So I order my drink. A PBR. Cheap. Simple. About a dollar for a tall boy. Perfect for a college kid.
I sit, I drink and make short small talk with the waitress. Not hitting on her. Just talk. Suddenly a guy comes out the bathroom and sits down next to me. Apparently I grab a seat next to this guy who was already here. I didn’t mind. He minds his business, I mind mine. Simple.
So I drink and watch a sports highlight. He talks to the waitress. I don’t pay attention. He suddenly talks to me. I listen. I got nothing else going on so why not. What do I have to lose?
So we talk. He was a nice man. We talked about college stuff. What’s your major? What do you want to do? The usual bullshit routine. Nothing new. Suddenly we talk about relationships in terms of do I have one? I say, “No but what about you?” He said, “Yea. I actually married. Two years.” I told him congrats.
But he looked straight ahead and said that he is not sure about his marriage anymore. He believed that he loved her, but he felt like he was weighing her down. Keeping her from exceeding her potential in this world. That it would be far more better to let her go and be happy rather then keep her down with their marriage. I asked him if his wife loved him?
He said yes, but he still believed in his words. I tried to talk him out of it and he wouldn’t have it. I couldn’t understand. I can never understand. I’m not him. I was never put into this situation. I have no right to tell him what to do but only advise him because I am a stranger to this man and that I’m also a kid to him. I haven’t fully lived and can not convince him otherwise.
He tipped the waitress, pat me on the back and said thanks for listening and to have a good night. Then he left. I don’t know if he ever divorced her or convinced himself out of it but one thing is certain. I can never know the answer until I have lived my life.
Only when we go forward do we truly live and that when we truly live do we understand life and all that is in it. Love, knowledge, etc.
I went home a few minutes later and went to bed.
All I do now is observe people, behavior and try to understand. To live my life and keep learning. Keep chasing love and fail and succeed. To try to reach the next stage of life and truly live. I’m still working on it but I feel a little closer then I do everyday since.
Never make false investments. Your wasting your time and you can better invest in other things.
A great documentary on a film I highly recommend and highly praise. It’s beautiful and well written.
You know…it just seems like everything is on repeat. Same thing every week. Work work work party then all over again next week.
I could use a change. Someone throw a wrench into the gear.
"The Ex" is about Allen who is contemplating on the idea of relationships and dating while trying to deal with the sudden arrival of his ex, Jessica, and her new boyfriend at the hangout bar. He soon meets Alice, who shares the same views as him and together discover a greater value in love.
This was made for my Lighting and Field Final Project for Savannah College of Art and Design.Starring Curry Colvin, Alexandra Morrone, Halie Wickiser and Greg Schettino. Directed & Written by Robert Moses, Produced & DP by Sara Sanchez, Sound & 2nd DP by Jon Litier, Key Grip & Gaffed by Tyler Burton, 1st AC & Gaffed by Charles Mayforth, Sound & Music by Curry Colvin and Edited & Extra by Arriston Worthy.
Special thanks to the Wormhole in Savannah, Ga for letting us shoot there.